Me: I need a drink

Mer: I need to chase a bottle of tequila with a fistful of prenatal vitamins

I’ve been working on getting myself to a place of sanity for a little while now.  So far, it’s been a really interesting ride.

I started seeing a therapist.  I’m leery of therapists, and though I typically go to a new therapist already doubting their legitimacy and questioning why I am wasting my time and money, I decided that I would try very hard to give this one the benefit of the doubt.  I always wished I could have the kind of patient / therapist relationship where I’d go sit in their tricked out office, we’d drink martinis while I blathered on about my life’s woes.  Sadly, that’s not quite my reality.  I go to her home.  She doesn’t have central air.  She has this big hazmat looking piece of machinery in her “office” that takes the steamy outside air and “chills” it.  It doesn’t really work.  As we chat, I can feel my hair twisting in the humidity.  I have decided to give her a real fighting chance, though I did tell her in our first meeting that typically I demand instant results.  I think that puts her on her toes.

An early discovery in therapy is that I measure acceptance, love and approval based on a “pick me” approach.   I weigh myself against all potential competition, and translate the outcome in terms of worth.  For instance, I am up for a job, and I find out I’m not the only candidate.  I convince myself I couldn’t possibly win out over the other candidates.  I don’t even know them, yet I’ve already, in my head, determined I’m not going to be picked.  That’s not to say I don’t fight the good fight.  I will always give off the impression that I am the only choice.  Inside, though, it is a battle.

I use this same “pick me” attitude with my friendships.  I give a lot of myself to my friends.  I learned a while ago how important it is to value friendships.  I worked on that part of myself, the part that sort of let friendships come and go, so that I didn’t ever regret letting friendships fizzle out again.

Now, the flip side of that is when I realize that a friendship has become one sided, where I’m giving my awe to maintain a friendship I feel is valuable but it’s not reciprocated, I experience the same side effects of this “pick me” mind-set.  If we’re friends but you don’t make an effort to keep the friendship alive, then you are choosing something else, something better or more important or more convenient.   It translates as a form of rejection.  When I find myself feeling rejected by a friend, whether it’s because they are too caught up with work and other friends to keep in touch, or one of us has moved away, so distance makes it less convenient to be friends, or something as simple as changing jobs that makes a former coworker who you became friend’s with fade away, I experience this as rejection.  Ultimately, I wasn’t good enough or important enough to stay relevant to that friend.

Understanding this series of actions and reactions has opened my eyes and helped me to realize I need to work on me.  I can’t control anyone’s life but my own.  I can’t make people work as hard as I do at friendship, or even ask that they put more effort into it.  All I can do is decide what I want and need out of life.

True friends will be there always.  As far as the rest of them go, I have to decide if their presence in my life is worth it, even with the unbalance.

Don’t set expectations so high that they can’t be met.

The need for change bulldozed a road down the center of my mind.

~ Maya Angelou

Being offered a new job changed the game for me.  It was instantaneous.  As soon as I found out that I was chosen, it felt like the weight of the world that had been perched atop my shoulders was starting to lift.  Starting to lift!  I needed concrete evidence of the offer before I could terminate things here in hell.  So I waited impatiently for what seemed like years, but that glorious letter came, delivered to me by Gmail (thank you Gmail).  It was a precious .pdf filled with all the news I needed to read!  It was a page and a half long, but allow me to summarize to you what it said;

You are FREE!

Telling my boss that I was leaving was quick, and fairly painless.  It was only a matter of time.  My time came on the heels of my boss’s 10 day vacation, but, that’s the way the ball bounces, ya know?  When I said the words “I’m leaving”, what went through my head was “I am taking my life back!”  There is no reason I should be spending 2-3 hours each day in my car, commuting to a place I hate, to spend the day doing things that make no difference in the end.  I kept driving to work, and thinking about all the things I couldn’t do.

Things are about to change.

Once I get settled into my new role with my new company who is closer, different, better, fairer, happier, cleaner, neater, more organized, and more rewarding, I will start to incorporate all of the things I gave up to work in hell.  I will cook more.  I will sign up for kettle bell classes.  I will travel more.  I will make better use of my money.  I will be happier.  I will drive less.  I will pick up a hobby, like tennis or something else fun and healthy.  I will start to use my brain again, after a long long time of hibernation.  I will look cuter in business casual, wear less hosiery, store my suits, buy more accessories, and stop to recognize how lucky I am to be able to do these things.

June 30^th will be a gorgeous day.  My last day in hell.  My last day with my legs jammed under a desk made for short people, in a cold, windowless office where I see no one and hear no one.  It will be the last day I have to hear the voice that has such a visceral effect on me that it takes hours to shake.  It will be the last day I sit amongst such negativity that it is literally a fight to keep it from infecting me.

I am free.

“In a weird way, emotional infidelity is safe — there’s a perception that you’re not actually ‘doing’ anything so you can’t get ‘caught,’ even if there are a handful of women with photos of your junk in their inbox. But … spouses are, ‘in the curious position of experiencing all of the hurt, anger and sense of rejection associated with an affair, while the ‘cheater’ shrugs it off and ‘doesn’t get it.’” ~ Michael J. Formica, Psychology Today

It’s the question of the day… is “sexting” cheating?  Um, yeah!  Here’s a scenario for you…

You are sitting next to your beautiful wife.  You love your wife.  You are happily married, right?

A man walks up to your wife.  He’s gorgeous, tall, built, tan, full head of hair, perfect smile, hundred dollar bills falling out of his pockets.

Your wife begins chatting with him.  This is ok.  I mean, you are internally battling this because this guy is some sort of freak of nature.  He’s not your average guy.  He’s Mr. Universe.  But so far, so good.  What’s so harmful about a casual chat?

After talking for a bit, your wife asks Mr. Universe to take out his most prized possession because she wants to size it up.

Bothered yet?  No?  Still harmless?  Still innocent?  OK…

Now Mr. Universe, he wants to see her.  All of her.

How about now?  Still ok?

Now they’re talking about everything they want to do to each other.  Oh, and it’s graphic.

How about now?  Yell MERCY when you’ve had enough!

When did the line of respect and honorability vanish into thin air?  When did it become OK to go this far, as long as you didn’t PHYSICALLY do anything to or with that other person?

“When you’re going outside the boundaries of what you’re supposed to share, emotionally and physically, only with your partner, cheating is cheating is cheating.”  ~ Yvonne Thomas, Psychologist

What’s it been, maybe a week?  Two, tops?  Another entitled pig who is not only the exact definition of a d-bag, but he is also an absolute moron for how he was caught.

Men, don’t take this the wrong way, but women and the media are smart.  You can lie for months and years and think you’re smarter and more conniving than the guys you see smeared all over the news.  You’re not.

To US Representative Anthony Weiner, you are just another gross representation of men who can’t be better and more developed than their primal ancestors.  You are an animal, just like them.  You don’t deserve the family you have betrayed.  You don’t deserve the mayoral office you seek.  You deserve only the torture and humiliation you will now receive from the government and the media.  You deserve the complete intrusion into everything personal in your life so that they can expose you for the perverted scumbag you are.

Who’s next?

“It hurts to let go. Sometimes it seems the harder you try to hold on to something or someone the more it wants to get away. You feel like some kind of criminal for having felt, for having wanted. For having wanted to be wanted. It confuses you, because you think that your feelings were wrong and it makes you feel so small because it’s so hard to keep it inside when you let it out and it doesn’t coma back. You’re left so alone that you can’t explain.” ~ Henry Rollins

It should be easier to realize when it’s time to stop seeking attention from people who aren’t worthy of your attention.

For me, most times it takes a ton of bricks crashing down on me to get the first inkling that it’s time to re-evaluate the situation and decide if my time and effort are worth it, or if they are better spent watching the pollen settle onto the windshield of my car.

It’s not always holding on that makes us stronger.  Sometimes it’s letting go of the things that bring us down and make us question our genuine selves.

So, my initial email was ignored.  I don’t know, I’m starting to get used to being ignored.  I’m not gonna lie, I do take it personally, every single time, but at least I sort of brace myself for it and ramp up for the inevitable.

Why is it that in a professional setting, people think it’s ok to just not reply to emails?  What do they think will happen if they ignore an email?  I’ll tell you what they must think.  They must think that ignoring it will make the question, problem, situation, or person go away.  Wrong!  Well, maybe sometimes that does happen.  In my experience, ignoring a problem won’t make it go away.  It will make it worse.  Why not reply.  The big button prominently displayed when you open my email, click that big button and say something. Say ANYTHING!  Tell me to go shit in my hat.  Tell me to leave you alone and never write again.  Tell me I’m great and we should be new best friends.  Tell me something.  That way, I won’t send another email.

That’s exactly what I did.  Tuesday morning, after thinking about the fact that my initial email was completely ignored all weekend, I was driving to work, and I’ll be honest with you, I banged out a “follow-up” to my follow-up email, just checking in, seeing how things were progressing there at the office.  I mean, you told me that you were going to select finalists to come back this week, right?  You also know that I’m only here until Wednesday night, so your window of opportunity is rapidly closing but still, I don’t hear from you.  So my follow-up – part deux, is polite, refreshing, and cheery.  I flatter the company again, remind them why they need me, etc.  That was Tuesday morning.  You would think that she would get this second email and go “Holy hell, I completely forgot to write back last week.  Where is my head?  Let me REPLY right this very instant or I may lose her forever.”

Crickets.

Now, I could be wrong, but last Thursday, there was something in the air.  I mean, we were on like a pot of grits and a neck bone!  So where did the love go?  What went wrong?

I spent the afternoon reminding myself that I wasn’t supposed to be let down by this.  This is just practice for what’s meant to be.  I even wore the outfit that I was saving for my certain second interview.  I will point out that it became the constant reminder of my failure to be picked for round two.

Tuesday, 5:21 pm.  REPLIED.  There is no acknowledgement of the first email.  There is no acknowledgement of the delay in reply, or the fact that she kept me waiting for 5 days.  It was, however, an email requesting I come back in for round two.  Can I come on Tuesday or Wednesday next week?  When would be a good time, etc.  I REPLY immediately.  Screw being worried about looking desperate and pathetic.  I tell her I’m available all day Tuesday, and whatever time works best for them, I’ll be there.

Crickets.

It’s now midday Wednesday.  I mean, it’s a pretty easy thing to do.  Just click reply, type a time, and call it a day.

But, alas, I shall wait for this too.

I find little in life more frustrating than waiting.

I send an email.  It’s a nice email.  It’s well thought out.  It’s genuine.  The vibe of said email matches exactly the vibe from our meeting just hours prior.

Then I wait.

Really, I’m expecting a response email within, oh, I’d say 4 minutes, tops!  But that doesn’t happen.  Ok.  She’s at lunch.  She must be.  I mean, I hogged up a good portion of her morning interviewing for a job.  Now that I’m finally gone, she gets to check her voicemail, and then she wants to eat.  Everyone’s gotta eat!  I get it.  Plus, it’s a little warm in her office.  So I bet she’s gone out to eat, and then she got the great idea to swing by Rita’s on the way back for some sort of icy / gelato concoction which will be oh so refreshing to scarf down.  It will drop her body temperature enough that she’ll be able to survive the rest of the day without sweating through her clothes.  She was wearing a cute dress.  No one wants to sweat through a cute dress.

2 hours go by.  Of course I watched every minute flip on the computer clock.  I have my email open, and my phone staring me in the face.  I’m ready whenever the word comes in that I’m a finalist.  I get to come back in next week for formalities.  She’ll pick me because of our vibe, of course.  Although, I was a little sweaty in her office.  Hopefully she couldn’t sense the sweat running down my back, but I mean, it was probably 97 degrees in there.  My face was probably a little misty.  But my make-up looked fabulous, and I think my hair withstood the intense climate.

The work day is over.  The only emails I get are from people I now hate, because they’re not her.  My phone did not ring.  Ok, this is ok.  I mean, she doesn’t want to seem like I’m her only candidate.  Her cover would be blown.  I could easily take advantage of that.  I would never.  I mean, I’d think about it but I’m not that kind of girl.

It’s Friday.  It’s been Friday all day.  Emails have come in.  Chain letters from AD’s mom, bless her heart.  I can always count on them.  A couple of jobsearch emails.  My daily reminder to send an inspirational quote to AD (which reminds me, I haven’t done that in a WHILE).

My phone rings.  I’m at work doing important work things.  I don’t recognize the number.  I’m super excited because it must be her.  I’ve been waiting for your call, woman!!  Since I don’t pick up (because I am a busy career person), it goes to voicemail and she leaves me a message.  It has to say something along the lines of, “Meghan, you are AMAZING!  We can’t live without you.  Start tomorrow.”  To which I’d be flattered, play hardball, and let her know I need a few weeks off first.  I listen to the voicemail.  It’s some hag from some insurance company who is trying to get me to work there.  She has my resume.  Hmm.  First order of business is to find out where the hell she got it, and then blow that website to pieces!  I ignore the message and am bummed because she has not called me yet.

New email arrives.  Must be her!  Nope.  It’s the insurance hag.  She was following up with her voicemail.  I hate her. I will send a damaging virus sometime early next week.

It’s 4pm.  I know that she mentioned that they barely work on Fridays.  I’m assuming because I have not heard from her that she’s home, getting a pedi, drinking a cocktail, enjoying her long weekend.  She is not thinking of me at all but I, sadly, will think of her all weekend.

I have already decided on what I’ll wear when she calls me to come back in.  Actually, I decided that as we said good bye yesterday.  I walked to my car and thought “Oh, the dress I have at the tailor’s, I will pick that up today.  It will fit perfectly, I have the exact heels and accessories to top it all off.”

Now she just has to call.  Or email.  I’m not picky.  Either will due just fine.

I hate waiting.

“Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don’t know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of withering, of tarnishing.”  ~  Anais Nin

Is it foolish to think that when we find someone we love, and marry them, that we can’t be happy and fulfilled forever?  I get that its work.  I am not a fool to think that the day I say “I Do”, that life just goes on cruise control from that point forward and every day brings sunshine and fairy dust.  I know that every relationship has its ups and downs, it’s difficult times and it’s triumphant times.  There are hardships, disagreements, trials, sickness, death and a boatload of burdens that are tossed into the soup pot of life.  How, then, do we survive what seems to be such a popular trend of infidelity?

Or don’t we?

It’s hardly worth the effort to try and ignore it.  The media has so aggressively smeared every ugly detail across every outlet imaginable.  Unless you live under a rock, there’s no avoiding what seems like the new norm.  I often find myself driving to work in the morning just waiting for the next great scandal to blast out from my speakers.  Sometimes I turn off the radio and listen to something safer, maybe a little Pandora, the O.A.R. station, or the “Chill” play list on my iPhone.  But it only shelters me briefly.  It doesn’t take long for me to hear all about the latest scandal.

Arnold Schwarzenegger is the latest shit bag to seep into my morning news… having fathered a child with his house maid 10 years ago.  Not only that, but he kept it from his wife for the next ten years because I guess he didn’t want that pesky detail to get in the way of his career as Governor.  Of course!  He has his priorities.  So after his Gov gig was up, he felt it was a good time to share that fun bit of news with his wife.  Just another woman who has to live a nightmare publicly, as the world watches in anticipation for the next juicy bits of info our fine media unearth.

I’m not sure this is an accurate statement, but I feel that it’s so much more prevalent now than it ever was.  Either that, or I was more successful in years past at ignoring it.  Jesse James, David Letterman, Bill Clinton, Hugh Grant, John Edwards, Kobe Bryant, Ryan Phillippe, Balthazar Getty, Jude Law, Tiger Woods, Tony Parker, Mutt Lange, Eddie Cibrian, Randy Travis, Alan Jackson, Vince Gill, Toby Keith, Garth Brooks and all the Rascal Flatts (thank you to my southern gal pal, Amy, for bringing the country crooners to my attention).  I am CERTAIN I am missing loads more.  Oh, and I won’t disregard Leann Rimes just because she’s a female.  She’s a real class act too, that one.

What’s so interesting is after they are caught, they cry and beg to be forgiven by the women they destroy.  So what is it all for, then?  If you were ready to go, then perhaps it’s how you choose to get out.  As inconceivable and gross as that may seem, at least you’re not a complete contradiction.  But most want to stay!!  Why do you make the decision to destroy the foundation of your relationship and your life if you don’t want to leave it?

Maybe it’s just more prevalent in Hollywood.  I mean, these people have fame and fortune and over time develop this sense of entitlement that we “average” folk don’t prescribe to.

Or do we?

“Physical infidelity is the signal, the notice given, that all fidelities are undermined.” ~ Katherine Anne Porter

Lately I’ve been entrenched in self examination mode.  I suppose it’s healthy to take time every now and then for a “mental physical”.  I mean, if I can make it a point to run off to the doctor to get a fasting blood test to measure all my numbers and levels, then I can comb through the piles of “stuff” in my head to see what’s healthy and what’s not.

I could spend hours listing all of the “opportunities” in my pile of stuff.  Today I will focus on my underlying need for approval.   I don’t think it’s an overt weakness.  It’s not painted across my face in a pathetic, needy, obedient puppy sort of way.  It is, however, rooted in most everything I do.

Today, I was reading a book review for Bonjour, Happiness! that I found on The Simply Luxurious Life blog.  I scanned the list of lessons that are pulled from the book, and one stuck out: Seldom give tours of your home – remember to seek mystery, not approval! I literally spent a good portion of my afternoon last Friday trying to explain to my friend how I felt my home had become something I needed to get right so that I was not judged by those who entered.  But see, AD and I moved into this overwhelming home with almost nothing.  So the task of filling it, decorating it and making it feel like home has been daunting!  But that doesn’t stop me from trying to catch up to everyone else so that I’m not perceived as having bad taste, or no taste at all.  Bare, white walls, empty rooms, borrowed pieces of furniture, and the deck furniture standing in as a kitchen table… it doesn’t “fit in”!

Perhaps, instead of feeling such a need to explain away the bare walls and empty rooms, I can learn to be ok with them, knowing that I don’t need anyone’s approval but my own.  And frankly, I think I’ve done a pretty damn good job with the place so far!  There is only so much I can do at a time.  I walked through the front door with 2 dogs, and that was about it.  I’ve come a long way.

There comes a time in your life when you forget what you deserve.

I was listening to the radio on my way into work today and Danny Bonaduce (no, I don’t typically listen to his radio show, and honestly didn’t know until a few weeks ago that he’s the morning host on 94.1 wysp) was doing some sort of “Ask Danny a question and he will bestow upon you all the knowledge that he has to give” type segment.  People actually call in with all sorts of questions, all topics, all levels of the pathetic queued up to be saved by Danny Partridge??!!

Anyway, someone called in and I’ll spare the details, but in a nutshell he is happy all day long while he’s at work, which is generally an unfulfilling job, but he’s still happy.  Then he goes home to his wife and kids and he’s miserable.  He has tried meds, therapy, home remedies… Bonaduce interrupted him so many times I don’t think he was able to elaborate on his efforts.  But here’s the thing… Bonaduce says a bunch of stuff about how family should bring you joy, etc, and you try so hard but it’s not there, blah blah blah… then your problem is you have a broken heart.  Not the kind you think, where your boyfriend dumps you the night before prom and you’re broken hearted… he meant this guy’s heart was broken, void of the ability to feel joy.  “Divorce your wife.  You’ll both be better off.  Your wife will be happier, your kids will be happier, you will be happier.”  So, ok, I was about to change the station when Bonaduce said “You have the right to be happy”.

You have the right to be happy.

Raise your hand if this makes you do a double take like it does me.  I mean, it’s not a foreign concept.  It’s just that for many people, me included, we spend most of our days making sure we make everyone else happy.  We make decisions based on what other people might feel or how they’ll react.  I know that I do it.  I know AD does it with me.  I know my friends do it with their family and their friends.  And partly it’s respect, because if we spent our lives ONLY thinking of ourselves, we would be a globe full of selfish, heartless pricks.  But there is a fine line there.  When you stop making decisions that make you happy because you have forgotten yourself, you need to reevaluate your method.

When I was contemplating leaving my relationship after 7 years, I had a laundry list of reasons why I couldn’t do it now, and I couldn’t do it next week.  I can’t do it here because of this.  I can’t do it on Friday because of that.  I have to wait until next month due to something else that always seemed to be more important than me.  What I finally realized is that I need to stop worrying about everyone and everything else and start worrying about me, because I was the one that needed it.

As soon as you move yourself up the ladder to a more respectable place of importance, you will be amazed at how your life will change.

Mine did.

I have been feeling like a big question mark lately.  You know, one of those floating, puffy cloud like question marks.

“One cannot spend the rest on one’s life trying to figure out their path.”  That was the motivational statement bestowed upon me today.  Sadly, that’s exactly what my path looks like:  A fuzzy, hazy, low visibility path for which no true enlightenment will come.  Happy Tuesday to me!

The girl who inhabited this office before me showed up today to say hello and show off her “I don’t work in this trailer” glow.  We don’t really know each other.  I know of her, but today we hugged.  It was really her way of reaching out and saying “Hey, I totally get where you are, and boy am I damn glad I’m not here anymore.”  Then she skipped off into the brilliant afternoon sunshine.

OK, so I need to obviously speed up my “get the hell out of here” game plan.  Right now I’m moving at a glacial pace.  Not good enough anymore, especially when I see what I can look like once I escape here.

June 3, 2006, The day I met my girl, Lola.  I always had a thing for red heds.

You want to know how hard it is to write when there is so much going on in your head that you literally can’t figure out where to begin?  Impossible.  It shows.  I haven’t written since last week.  I may not have much to say today.

I’ve been spending the past few weeks really ramping up my actions that will get me out of my existing job.  Initially I had high hopes, and out of nowhere came a lot of buzz about this opportunity and that opportunity.  I had decided on one or two which I felt pretty comfortable with.  Both were closer to home, which is a gigantic step in the right direction.  One was less of what I wanted to do than the other, but I pursued both.  What happened is I organized an interview with the job that would have been ideal!  Absolutely ideal.  I would work from home, I would have a local office not 15 minutes from me, I would be doing a job I felt I’d enjoy more.  Everything was beginning to line up.

Between the time I set up the interview and the actual interview day, I had already started planning what my life would be like with more time in my day.  I was making mental lists of all the things I had been wanting so badly to do, but didn’t have the time or energy to do them.  I’d cook more (right after I learned how to cook), I’d take kettle bell classes, exercise more with AD, and get my mind straight and work on me.  I was really excited.  I already had an idea of what direction I’d face my desk in my new home office… facing the window that overlooks the golf course.  I was calculating how much I’d save in gas, and thank god, right?  Gas prices are going through the roof!

Interview day has arrived, and it’s a gorgeous 80 degrees and sunny.  Not an ounce of humidity, so my hair looked great (thank you colorist who fixed these roots at the last minute), the suit was fresh and clean, screaming confidence, style, and sophistication.  I had a fresh pedi and a fabulous pair of nude peep toe shoes on to complete the outfit.  I’m approximately an hour early for the interview (I’d like to address my nerves about being caught in traffic, but I’ll save that for another day).  I had plenty of time to sit in my car, brush my hair (again), touch up my make-up, sing a little (because I sing in the car), called AD to pass some time, wrote to some friends who had been cheering me on, and then off I went.  I was ready for this.  I am always ready for this.

The interview went well.  Very well.  I met with a fabulous lady who seemed to really like me, remarked about my great personality on several occasions.  Things were great.  On my side was already being friends with guy fairly high up in the company, as well as knowing several members of their other offices from working with them in the past on different levels.  It was a two thumbs up meeting!  Until…

“Now what are your salary requirements?”………………………………………………. I wanted to say “Look at my suit!!  Look at these freshly done roots.  Look at my pedi.  I require a lot!”  But I was honest and forthcoming, and that is when the otherwise fantastic meeting took a sudden nose dive.  Needless to say, we weren’t playing in the same ballpark.  We left on positive terms.  I didn’t want to say no and walk away.  There are possibilities there… she asked if my requirements were negotiable.

So I left with sort of this half smile on my face, wanting to cry.  I took the long walk to my car, letting go of all the hopes that I’d take those kettle bell classes, and start cooking great food.  I let go of the hope of working on me, and came to the realization that tomorrow, I’d have to wake up at 6:00 am and get ready to go to work again, in a place I didn’t want to be, driving a distance I didn’t want to drive, and dealing with people I didn’t want to deal with anymore.

My night was awful.  There is a lot behind the emotions that took over me.  One thing that came out of it, though, was the unwavering support of great friends, and a loving AD.  They lifted me up when I didn’t think it was possible.  They are what make me smile and remember that tomorrow is another day, and to keep working and things will happen.  They are the ones who assure me that everything happens for a reason, and that this setback is because something better is out there for me.  For all of you, I thank you, and I love you.

I’m taking off since from what I hear, it’s a holiday today because two people got hitched.  I like their style, and I will honor this day by posting my favorite look of the day.

I want to know how Cinderella’s step sisters got an invite and I did not?!?!

I don’t care about the Royal Wedding.  I think it’s bizarre that everyone seems to be so over the top about it!  What is the big deal?  They’re not our royals.  They are England’s royals.  So tell me again why y’all are so engrossed in the hoopla?

I am very preoccupied with what goes on right here in my own country to be bothered with this never ending wedding saga.  Yet the media want me to care.  They are covering it ad nauseam.  Frankly, it’s such a nuisance for me to have to weave my way through the royal updates to get to the good stuff; like how Charlie Sheen faired at his last Violent Torpedo of Truth Tour show, or how Lindsay Lohan is balancing community service and the Gotti: Three Generations press circuit, or if Donald Trump is being properly recognized for being a complete douche bag.

I have no time for the royals.  Here’s hoping after tomorrow’s wedding, life can go back to normal and my tabloid magazine covers will find something more interesting to smear all over their covers, like who the man is behind the Aflac duck’s new voice, or a countdown to when Nicolas Cage officially bottoms out, or Tom Cruise finally coming out of the closet.

I’m pretty sure Fox News just blamed the heat wave on Obama. Fair and Balanced my ass.

There are few things during my day that make me smile more than stumbling upon a brilliantly worded quote.  I love how they inspire me, speak to me, change my direction and mood, and I also love sharing them.  When you pop into my mind as I read a new quote, the first thing I do is send it to you.

I find quotes in everything and every place.  The source, whether the CEO of Apple Inc, or a character in a television show, or a witty quote from a friend, doesn’t matter.  What matters is in the words and how they inspire and move me.

Some of my favorites…

1. “Love is everything it’s cracked up to be. That’s why people are so cynical about it… it really is worth fighting for, risking everything for. And the trouble is if you don’t risk everything you risk even more.” ~ Erica Jong
2. “If you’re bored with life – or you don’t get up every morning with a burning desire to do things – you don’t have enough goals.” ~ Lou Holtz
3. “Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming – “WOW – What a Ride!” ~ Anonymous
4. “I’m one stomach flu away from reaching my goal weight.” ~ Emily in The Devil Wears Prada
5. “It’s a shame being judgemental doesn’t burn calories.” ~ Jenn Fleming
6. “Please don’t take a turn to negative town.” ~ Jeremy Gray in The Wedding Crashers
7. “Friendships are a little like backyard gardens. We plan to tend to them, we just always seem to put it off till next week.” ~ Jerry, Boston Legal
8. “I don’t pretend to know what love is for everyone, but I can tell you what it is for me; love is knowing all about someone, and still wanting to be with them more than any other person, love is trusting them enough to tell them everything about yourself, including the things you might be ashamed of, love is feeling comfortable and safe with someone, but still getting weak knees when they walk into a room and smile at you.” ~ Author Unknown
9. “Truth is, everybody is going to hurt you. You just gotta find the ones worth suffering for.” ~ Bob Marley
10. “Here’s to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The troublemakers. The round pegs in the square holes.  The ones who see things differently. They’re not fond of rules. And they have no respect for the status quo. You can praise them, disagree with them, quote them, disbelieve them, glorify or vilify them.  About the only thing you can’t do is ignore them. Because they change things. They invent. They imagine. They heal. They explore. They create. They inspire. They push the human race forward.  Maybe they have to be crazy.  How else can you stare at an empty canvas and see a work of art? Or sit in silence and hear a song that’s never been written? Or gaze at a red planet and see a laboratory on wheels?  While some see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do.” ~ Steve Jobs, Apple Inc.
11. “Happiness is the consequence of personal effort. You fight for it, strive for it, insist upon it, and sometimes even travel around the world looking for it. You have to participate relentlessly in the manifestations of your own blessings. And once you have achieved a state of happiness, you must never become lax about maintaining it. You must make a mighty effort to keep swimming upward into that happiness forever, to stay afloat on top of it.” ~ Elizabeth Gilbert; Eat, Pray, Love
12. “I’m here. I love you. I don’t care if you need to stay up crying all night long, I will stay with you. There’s nothing you can ever do to lose my love. I will protect you until you die, and after your death I will still protect you. I am stronger than depression and I am braver than loneliness and nothing will ever exhaust me.” ~ Elizabeth Gilbert; Eat, Pray, Love
13. “The only thing more unthinkable than leaving was staying; the only thing more impossible than staying was leaving.”  ~ Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love
14. “Trust is based not on the absence of wrong, but on the presence of right.” ~ Unknown
15. “Trust, but verify.” ~ Ronald Reagan
16. “Be so good they can’t ignore you.” ~ Steve Martin
17. “It’s supposed to be hard.  If it wasn’t hard everyone would do it.  The hard…is what makes it great”. ~ Jimmy Dugan
18. “There’s a crack in everything.  That’s how the light gets in.” ~ Leonard Cohen
19. “Never permit a dichotomy to rule your life, a dichotomy in which you hate what you do so you can have pleasure in your spare time. Look for a situation in which your work will give you as much happiness as your spare time.” ~ Pablo Picasso
20. “Maybe our mistakes are what make our fate. Without them, what would shape our lives? Perhaps if we never veered off course, we wouldn’t fall in love, or have babies, or be who we are. After all, seasons change. So do cities. People come into your life and people go. But it’s comforting to know the ones you love are always in your heart. And if you’re very lucky, a plane ride away.” ~ Carrie Bradshaw (SATC)

Anticipating a long night of having my alcohol consumption micro-managed.